Hello Faithful Reader,
I hope this edition of the Black Birdseye View finds you well 😊. I'm doing well myself. This month, I'm excited to introduce you to another character from my first novel, "The Circle." It has yet to be published, but I'm prouder of it than of anything else I've created. Writing it allowed me to delve into my imagination and weave a tale that blends my world with fiction, showcasing the depth of my writing. I hope you enjoy meeting Sosha 😊.
"Sosha had no way of knowing that Quincy was irritated at himself for secretly getting her caught up in his financial affairs. Her name was connected to the business, homes, cars, real estate…you name it. There had been a time when Quincy felt the need to cover himself. He cursed his need to have things that he could not possess. He pursued Sosha with a vengeance until he had her. The fire that attracted him to her went out the day she said, "I do." Without the chase, she was just another chick with her hand out. It irritated him to no end every time she referred to him as "my husband." It was as if she had forgotten his name. She had become clingy and needed to be near him 24/7. He took every opportunity to escape her clutches. Initially, he took great pain in covering his indiscretions. The last thing he wanted to do was listen to her whine and complain about not being enough for him. He had to admit that there was some power in doing his dirt, knowing that Sosha was somewhere waiting. He knew she would sit by the window, holding her breath each time a car appeared. He could predict her every mood and move. He grew bored with her. She wanted to know where he was, who he was with, and every other detail she could think of. He had no respect for her. She was the neediest person he had ever encountered. Rather than get her shit together and find an outlet of her own, she chooses to sit and live vicariously through him. Her beauty paled behind her insecurities. There was no telling what she could accomplish if she just tried. Rather than apply herself to what would lift her up, she applied herself to everything pertaining to her husband. It never dawned on Quincy that he was a part of the foundation that made and kept his wife shaky. How she had managed to get herself pregnant and be on the pill at the same time was supposed to be a mystery. Now and then, he would come in drunk and late. Before he knew it, his dick was on hard, and she was always there to take advantage of the moment. He knew she got pregnant intentionally. She walked around, all pleased with herself and needing his attention. Every time he turned around, she needed to go to the doctor or had a craving for some shit on the other side of town. It would have been a great escape for him, except that now, suddenly, riding in the car made her stomach less queasy. He was trapped, and he knew it. He could not wait for her to have that baby, which he felt no connection to because he knew she had orchestrated it. Hindsight shows and proves all things. He initially wanted her because she played like he could not have her when she only wanted a ring, and everything she thought would make her complete. He thought back to when he pursued her and wanted to kick his own ass. He had been tripping. She was not all that. His competitive nature had blinded him, and now he was stuck with the prize and all her questions. "Where you going, what are doing, who was that, why can't I go, when will you be back…the questions went on and on and on. He wasn't ready for a wife and was even less prepared to run around playing daddy to a baby he had not given her permission to have. He had his own shit going on, and the last thing that he needed was to be tied to this clingy shell of a woman for the rest of his life, with her popping out babies every time she thought it was a good idea. He knew things would never be the same after she delivered his child. He tried to be happy but could find no joy in the facts as they presented themselves. It was true what the old folks said, "it's cheaper to keep her." She was driving him crazy.
Silence came to be all there was between them. The closer it came to the baby's arrival, the more afraid Sosha became. She could see him withdrawing and could almost read his mind and felt like a fool for holding on. All she could think about was the adage, "A baby can't keep no man." she knew it to be true. She knew she didn't have him. Without the words spoken, they both knew. The timing could not have been worse. Her hormones were raging out of control while her heart was breaking as she held on to the one thread that kept them together. She knew she was dangling and feared disconnection. All her life, she had searched for the love that would reciprocate. In her mind, she had made this man into a King, and all things flowed through him. He validated something broken in her.
Her subconscious, needy nature caused her to cling to the dream rather than see and accept what was real. There was no hiding the fact that would not be concealed. False and forced love had grown apart, and all that was left was the baggage she had collected along the way, some she had carried for a lifetime. Stacy was born beautiful and adored. Sosha stayed and played the role of the perfect wife with the perfect child and did it all without giving up the fact that she was dying inside from the reality of the fear that sat in the midst, waiting for its chance to shatter her decaying composure. Life was drained from her. By the time Shanty, their second child, was born, Sosha was well on her way to a place where no one would imagine her to be, where there would be no rescue.
The world was small, and Quincy didn't even try to hide his indiscretions. She spent more and more nights alone. No matter how she tried to deny it, she knew he was cheating. Looking out the window for his return, watching the phone, and waiting for it to ring, possessed her. In her mind, she could hear people laughing and talking about her. Quincy came home when and if he felt like it. After Shanty was born, he cut the sex off altogether. No matter how badly she wanted it, Quincy would not fold. No hugging. No kissing. No affection at all. She felt like a fool. She threw temper tantrums and demanded that he respect her. He laughed.
Being a mother was not second nature to Sosha. She was so preoccupied with Quincy that nothing else seemed to matter. When carrying the girls, she knew they would be why the marriage would prevail. When it was all said and done, it didn't matter. Quincy was as heartless as heartless could be. The housekeeper was the maternal force in her house. How could she care for two children properly when all she could do was imagine what her husband was up to and with whom? Her imagination was her worst enemy. Quincy came home smelling like perfume and didn't even think to shower when he finally dropped into bed beside her. She lay next to him, contemplating murder. He slept peacefully, aware that she would do nothing except take it.
To soothe the pain of the reality of rejection and betrayal, the bottle got heavier and heavier, and she needed the pills more and more just to be able to close her eyes and dream. The pipe was never meant to be but was and called her name when the world had all but forgotten it. Days went by. Months went by, and before she knew it, she didn't even remember who or where she was. Her mind had forsaken and taken her to the point of no return. Her heart assisted. Behind eyes that cried on the inside, her soul began to rise. She lay convulsing, reaching for someone who never came. In a cold corner of an abandoned building, Sosha had drawn her last breath, and no one even imagined. People stopped wondering about her. It was like she never existed.”
I hope you enjoyed 😊
Until next time
Always,
Robin
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