Hello Faithful Reader,
I hope this month’s edition of the Black Bird’s Eye View finds you well and in good spirits. I am well. This month I am dropping jewels again, sharing my thoughts on how to avoid toxic people and situations. With any luck at all, it will be helpful to you.
· We choose how long we dwell.
When something does not go your way, it is perfectly alright to feel disappointed. It’s a natural reaction. How long you stay disappointed or angry is entirely up to you. Don’t mess around and let a situation be your excuse to remain stagnant. Don’t let a situation be your excuse for not moving on.
· You are not responsible for another person’s level of understanding.
If you are confident that you have verbally expressed yourself clearly and have taken the time to clarify if questions were asked about what you verbally expressed, it is not your place or responsibility to continue the conversation. You are not in the business of changing the minds and perspectives of others. It is perfectly alright to have a differing of opinions. Many people unwittingly believe that the words "conversation" and "debate" are interchangeable when the reality is a conversation is an equal exchange between two or more individuals.
· You are not required to attend pity parties or stroke egos.
When it becomes evident that an individual seems to always have something negative going on or appear to always feel sorry for themselves about what is currently taking place in their lives or what has taken place in their past, you must decide that you will listen to them ONCE. If that person attempts to have the exact same conversation with you again find a way to remove yourself from their presence. That negative energy is contagious. If a person always ends up in the same situation that means they did not learn from it the first time. People like that tend to like to have pity parties because on some level any attention is good attention. Remove yourself from toxic situations.
· Stop accepting "I'm sorry" unless folk change and do better.
The words “I am sorry” are just words. Unless those words are accompanied by real change, they mean absolutely nothing. In many ways accepting an apology twice is rewarding bad behavior and trains the wrongdoer to believe that the words “I am sorry” should naturally fix things, when the reality is…If a person is genuinely apologetic, they tend to change their negative behavior.
· Life is not a sport.... you don't have to give everyone three strikes.
It may seem harsh but the first time someone crosses you…leave them alone because people are generally creatures of habit and will only do what they are allowed to do. It makes absolutely no sense to allow a person to cross your three times because of some unwritten rule that says they have three strikes before you leave them alone when life is not a game to be played.
· Don’t give people who THINK they run game any form of a reaction…. that is their fuel.
A lot of times a person will do something to get you to come out of character just because they know they can. Once you establish that it is the nature of the person to do things that cause you distress…. leave them alone. It is a miserable person who runs around stirring the pot just to get a reaction out of people. Take their power away by not responding at all.
· With repeat offenders…. Stop thinking you are giving them too much credit….They might just be what you think they are.
Follow your first mind. Don’t think for one second that a person can not be as bad as you think they are. If your gut tells you that a person is not right, trust it. You can still be cordial and amicable without allowing that person in your inner space and in your ear. One of the worse things to happen is to look back on a situation that ended badly and realize that you knew it would all along.
· A pattern is a pattern and if it is not a good pattern remove yourself from it…. even if it hurts….
Once you see that a person has a negative pattern as it relates to their behavior and treatment of you, leave them alone. Why would you keep putting your hand on the same hot fire when you know that every time you ever did it you got burned? It makes no sense.
· You will hurt yourself more if you remain in a situation that can steal your joy.
This is a fact. It doesn’t matter if it is your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, any family member or so-called friend. If being in their presence steals your joy you are a fool to remain. Many people tolerate bad behavior out of a sense of loyalty. Be loyal to yourself and define what you will and will not tolerate. If that means distancing yourself from negative people and handling them with a long-handled spoon, then that is what you need to do. Be prepared for the same people who cause you to leave them alone to pretend that you are a bad guy for doing so.
· Love yourself first.
When you love yourself first it sets the stage and example to how you want to b loved. It does not permit anything to touch that is not positive.
This concludes this month’s edition of the Black Bird’s Eye View. Until next time,
Always,
Robin
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