By Robin Ess
What's the matter with the woman who puts a man over everything, including her children? Mine is not an isolated incident. I know countless women who are survivors of child predators. So, mine are valid questions.
What vital flaw must exist to allow a woman to overlook a child predator, and how does that dynamic function? Does she see herself in the mirror? Do quiet moments give way to self-hate? How can she love the woman in the mirror if she can see the woman in the mirror? What if she blocked it out, rendering herself unable to see? Does poor mental health negate oversight? What if she is operating from a broken place? Does this excuse a lack of maternal instincts? Does she ever consider the child? What kind of woman would tell her child that she dreamed that her husband was a child predator...and hold on to that lie even in the face of the truth? What kind of woman would turn her back on her daughter for telling the truth?
How can a woman expect her child to carry an ugly secret for life and prioritize that secret over the child's well-being? Is it realistic for that woman to anticipate her child growing into adulthood without confrontation? How did the woman see it playing out? When confronted, does she genuinely expect the child to believe her denial, knowing the child knew she knew? And what about the child? Is that child's lot in life to carry a secret to the grave? What has the mother done to deserve such loyalty? How can the child find peace when so many "would-be-supporters" ideas of help or comfort are biblical quotes? Isn't it worth noting that while the bible encourages children to honor and obey their parents, there is no mention of steps to take when the guidance is flawed? How can a child honor what does not protect them?
What if home is not safe for a little girl? That child had no hand in the family she was born into. At the very least, she should expect to be protected by her mother or maternal figure. She should expect to be safe at home. Her norm should be normal, not perverted. The sad thing is the little girl has a huge potential to grow to resent her mother so much that she could lose herself in:
Pretending with the family just to be able to fit in
She stands up for herself and ends up treated like the black sheep for doing nothing...except not going along with the pretense.
Either way, she will be changed. Her spirit will be changed. Her heart will be changed. Her mind will be changed for the bad or the good.
Family secrets can be detrimental. Whose secret are you keeping? Is it a child predator? Is it the reputation of a family that has been covering for a child predator? Does the secret hurt you? What are you doing?
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